Ironic (Adelaide to Paringa)

Before I begin, there is something I forgot to mention in the last post. Last night walking home from the restaurant we were approached by some random, who asked if we could take his picture in front of a car. He was wearing a yellow T-shirt and yellow shoes, clearly a man of taste. And the car? A Mercedes 80, perhaps, that had a yellow stripe that ran the length of the car. There is an undercurrent of car-bogan in Adelaide. Apparently they have a thing locals refer to as 'Clipsal'. Whatever that is. Anyway, the young man in yellow posed for several photos and was very grateful for our assistance.

And how was the night you ask dear reader? Promising, initially. As the night settled on Adelaide and the Fringe powered to its ultimate conclusion, the hotel descended into an uneasy ceasefire which was as short lived as in the Ukraine. The door slammers seemed to have run out of energy by 1:30am and we drifted into a fitful sleep that was all but destroyed at 3am by whooping, more door slamming, voices and at 3:30am, the thundering footsteps of someone running a lap of the rectangular corridor. Quiet returned but briefly and the voices returned at 5am. No dear reader, they were real voices, not the ones in my head that were telling me to do horrible things to the revellers. 

The final insult, as I hovered close to sleep, was my phone pinging at 7am. It was a message from the hotel informing me of their online checkout system and hoping I had enjoyed my stay. Ironic, in a sense that Alanis Morissette wouldn't understand and the inspiration for today's title. There are two hotels in Sydney that I banned from my travel list years ago, The Menzies and the Sydney Mercure, both because the rooms don't appear to be sufficiently insulated from outside noise, caused by marauding guests. Now we can add the Crowne in Adelaide to the list. Moving on. We hit the road.

Sunset at The Frames. Out of sequence to break up the text.

Distance and time are relative concepts and depend on many individual factors. Adelaide natives would not generally consider a day drive to Renmark as a thing. It's just on 3 hours and is a very easy, pleasant drive, compared to doing battle (and paying exorbitant tolls for the privilege) around Sydney.

We negotiated our way out of Adelaide with relative ease. Signposting was clear and Waze (a phone map app) navigated us from door to door with minor, planned detours.

First stop Nuriootpa. We were going to have brunch there but decided to push on. The real stop over reason was send a fax. Yes dear reader you read that correctly. A fax. "Welcome to the 1990s," I said to the trainee in the Post Office who responded when I asked could they send a fax with, "What is a fax?" He had to be directed to the machine and also had to be guided in how to use it. Trying to fax with the lid up on the machine was not terribly successful. Medical professionals and government departments still insist on a fax for 'security reasons'. Absolute rubbish. Like the current federal government. Anyway, apart from causing a customer queue at the Nuri P.O., we have supported a trainee to further develop his skills and knowledge, although he may never need to use this particular skill set again...

The next stage of the drive was as uneventful. There were a lot of trucks, mostly heading in the other direction, some occasional road works, an overstuffed fruit bin - the ban on bringing fruit into the Riverland is back again. The car, a hybrid Camry (I got upgraded again), performed well with minimal fuel consumption and we arrived in Berri for a late lunch.

Google suggested a café called Sprouts (see we do check them out Alex). It was easily located and well frequented by locals - always a good sign. The coffee was, well, let's not talk about that. The food was quite good: quiche and focaccia. Hunger sated, we wandered around town for three minutes. That option exhausted, we headed for Renmark.

I'm not sure if I mentioned, dear reader, that the last time we were in this part of Adelaide was January 1981. Curiously some things have changed and sadly others have not. Way back last century, all I remember of Berri was orange orchards and the Giant Orange. Australians love their giant things, Google it. Back in 1981, we climbed the Giant Orange to an observation tower inside it, to survey, well, orange orchards. Forty one years later the Giant Orange is still there, looking the worse for wear. We have certainly aged better. It is now locked behind a fence and there is no access. The locals joke that perhaps it should be painted yellow and renamed the Giant Lemon. Harsh. The orange orchards are also gone, replaced by almonds and grapes.

Last time we visited Renmark, they had these really cool bins in the streets, shaped like pelicans - you put your rubbish in the beak. This time? No, dear reader, modern time and new bins. Also, no pelicans on the river. Also, no people on the streets. Maybe Monday has been banned in SA and no-one told us. Now that would be an interesting concept. Discuss.

Not a pelican

We did wander along a new riverside walk that has been built, complete with viewing platforms and signage, pausing to watch some water skiers/boarders/tube riders cutting their ways up and down the river. It was also apparent that houseboats are a thing down in this neck of the river. Why? It turns out the first houseboat ever was built in Renmark - a bloke put his caravan on a barge/pontoon and voilà!!

The Frames is located in Paringa, less than 10 minutes drive from Renmark and we arrived at the appointed time of 3pm, to be shown through our palatial, private accommodation. OMG! It looks better than the pictures on the website and my photos do not do it justice. It is opulence. A brief run down you request, dear reader? Ok, briefly: bedroom with king size massage bed, massive ensuite, heated floor, full kitchen with island bench, fire place, rain shower, outdoor bath, infrared sauna, spa, heated pool, dining room, lounge area, balcony overlooking the river, poolside BBQ with outdoor fridge, laundry - fully stocked fridge - we returned today to find a complimentary bottle of bubbles on the kitchen bench. Words are really inadequate. There is nothing that has been overlooked or omitted. We are coming back.

The view of our accommodation from the river

We didn't really have time to settle in and enjoy the retreat. After a swim to stretch my back, a lazy 30 laps, in our 10 metre pool, we were collected to experience the sunset 'gondola' cruise on the river Murray. Yes, dear reader, it is Stefano de Pieri's 'gondola on the Murray' even though it is not a gondola. It is a small yacht that had been abandoned and was salvaged and restored and renovated. It is no longer a yacht but a small cruiser.

The pool, spa and bbq area

Kitchen

Outdoor bath, great star view at night

Infrared sauna

Lounge area through balcony to the river

Rob, our skipper and guide, provided not only a chilled bottle of bubbles and a cheese and charcuterie board,  but also a colourful, informative tour of the river, its surrounds and history around Paringa and Renmark. While the sights dictated the tour, the conversation was no rote script that we have experienced in other locales - we asked questions and threw in our own observations to the conversation as we whiled away a couple of hours on the water. It was a warm, sunny afternoon and an extremely pleasant start to our retreat experience.

Evening on the river

About 2 hours later, we were dropped back to our retreat to contemplate our BBQ dinner, for which all the necessaries were in the fridge. Prawns, chicken, sausages, rib eye steak, corn on the cob, three different salads and a variety of condiments. Not to mention the wine and other beverages. Alcoholic lemonade? New to me. Haven't had time to try one yet.

Dinner done at leisure, we enjoyed a night cap on the verandah/balcony and marvelled at the stars. You don't get nights like this in the big city. Crystal clear and inky black. Just amazing. The saucepan of our childhood star gazing is still there...

We have another big tomorrow with an untimely early start.

Until then.