You need to calm down (The end of the cruise and Bergen, Norway)

Disclaimer dear reader, the photos in this post are generally there to break up the text. And the title? Well, one for all the Swifties out there. You need to calm down all the way from 2019. There's a message in there for all of us, but particularly for some of the people mentioned in this post.

We left Alta and the lights behind for two days of cruising the Norway Inside Passage. Well that was the plan dear reader. However, there was a problem with one of the tenders (AKA lifeboats) and part of the way into the journey, we turned back one and a half hours towards Harstad where we had an unscheduled port stop for several hours. I am uncertain as to whether this was for a technician or spare parts. Whatever the reason, it resulted in us heading out into the Norwegian Sea to make up for lost time.

There is not much to say about the two days at sea. It was the cruise life. We ate too much and drank too much. High Tea was enjoyed in the Wintergarden. We read, we blogged. When the weather permitted, we did laps of deck 2. When the weather didn't permit, we attempted laps of deck 2 but the sea spray sent us back indoors where we read the signs on the door saying the deck was actually closed.

The Wintergarden where High Tea was served daily.

On day one, we crossed the Arctic Circle again. This time there was the blue nose ritual where people donned their swimming costumes and jumped into the pool. I assume the pool had been iced to replicate the sea temperature but didn't get close enough to find out.

We dined at our usual restaurant for the last night and headed to the Explorers' Lounge for one last nightcap. And to tip our favourite barman, Faizal. The advertising material for Viking states no casinos and no children - a good start. It also references the fact that everything is included; there is no more to pay. This covers tips.

A frozen waterfall.

I was, therefore, surprised when I read that a surcharge for tipping would be added to my credit card on the last evening on board. The charge was $17US per day per passenger. Roughing out the numbers they would be raising over $300,000AUD to be distributed to staff. Alternatively, you could just pay them properly. No further information was provided. To date, I have not been charged, so I assume that cost was factored into the Australian pricing.

Disembarkation commenced at 2:45am for the unlucky ones. We were scheduled to leave at 9am although all staterooms had to be vacated by 8am. Our bags were retagged and placed outside our door prior to 10pm for them to be whisked away in the night and placed in the arrival hall for collection the next morning.

Sparks out of the chimney as the lights commence.

I don't know how many people departed in the middle of the night but the doors in the corridor were getting a workout after 3am. 

Despite the attempt to make up time lost in Harstad, we arrived in Bergen a few hours after schedule. This resulted in all the shore excursions being reorganised. I'll leave our Bergen excursion until the next post because we're here for three days. Instead I'm going to record some random observations.

Stupid Question of the Week

Whoever said the only stupid question is the one unasked, is just wrong. On our tour of the ship the onshore excursion protocols were explained. If your tour is marked with the letters QV you need to bring it. The QV, a QuietVox is an audio commentary device for groups so the guide doesn't need to yell and disturb every other person in the vicinity.

Following the explanation one member of our group (insert nation of prejudice) asked, "What if there is no QV noted next to your excursion"? You've guessed the answer already haven't you dear reader? Don't bring it.

Alta.

Stupid Comment of the Week

The World Café served a different protein that was the mainstay of the meals for that day. We saw leg of lamb, chicken and a huge turkey on different evenings. However, the suckling pig, sans apple, was an absolute stunner. As Jayne was deciding what to eat, a woman (insert nation of prejudice) walked past and commented, "What a huge turkey!" Perhaps she was looking in a mirror. It clearly was suckling pig.

Tromsø at night.

Dress Regulations

Despite all the carry-on about dress regulations, they were ignored by many people. I'm not talking about jeans in the dining room. There was a woman (insert nation of prejudice) who turned up to breakfast in a bathrobe. I'm still in shock.

The lights at Paeskatun.

Left Behind

I regularly used the stairs rather than the lift in a vain attempt to burn some kilojoules. On one such occasion, Jayne waited for the lift. It was crowded and stopped one floor down on the way to the restaurant. A woman (insert nation of prejudice) got in, the doors closed and someone remarked to newly arrived passenger, "I think you left someone behind." Easily done, dear reader, isn't it? The person you've been travelling with for days who sleeps next to you, you just forget and leave them standing at the elevator doors. Her response, "Oh well."

No idea, but I liked the reflection.

Entitlement

This is a theme I could have returned to everyday in every post. If you thought John Howard created the land of entitlement in Australia, you would be correct, but let me tell you, our American friends own the patent and have turned it into an artform.

• Groups standing in the walkway in front of the servery, holding a meeting or just having a chat. Blocking all access for passengers and staff at a peak time.
• Refusing to allow some out of their seat on the bus if they were already in the aisle. What has happened to politeness?
• Continually rushing to be at the front of the group on excursions - despite using walking sticks. This slowed everyone down.
• Finding the best spot to observe the view, a scene, a statue, whatever, and not moving to allow other people an opportunity to see unobstructed.
• Playing a video of some TV program in the library area without headphones.
• The inability to differentiate between an inside and outside voice. While on the phone, I had trouble hearing what was being said on the other end because the man at the next desk 2 metres away was having a conversation that could be heard on the other side of the ship. Or the clown who said "Good morning." at the top of his voice to everyone who walked within 1m of where he was sitting. Regardless of whether he knew them or not. Add to that, he sounded like a male Fran Drescher (the Nanny).

A common scene along the fjord.

Hair, makeup and body work

No one likes getting old dear reader. I wish I still had all my hair. Time dictates otherwise. However, the number of people on board this ship who pretended age was not happening to them was frightening.

I have never seen so many wigs in my life. Generally on women. Then there were the home-dye jobs on the men. If grey hair is that offensive to you, spend the money and have your hair dyed at the salon. If you are on a Viking cruise, you can afford it.

The face lifts and over-use of make up left many people wearing looks of startled surprise. Or with serious RBF.

Language

There are many similarities between English and Norwegian because both languages have roots in Germanic. This does not extend to the word 'fart'. I'm sure you're familiar with the English definition. In Norwegian it means speed. Roadside speed indicators telling you 'FART 55kmh' are funny. Juvenile, but funny.

Apparently it was bread roll. Woof.

Finally for this post

We are not cruise people as you would know dear reader. This is unchanged after our latest fortnight, floating around the ocean. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I did it. The lights were beyond words, but cruising is not for me. This is the largest cruise ship we've been on and the benefit was that with 900 passengers we didn't have to find friends to sit with, we could just be with each other.

The staff were absolutely delightful and they work hard. Six month contracts. It's a long time to be away from home. Our stateroom attendant, Harold, was from Indonesia. He was always happy and nothing was too much trouble.

Near Harstad.

Similarly, Jabulani, or Joyful as he preferred, made you smile as soon as you saw him. 

How they maintain the upbeat positivity is beyond me - no break during or in between cruises. We disembarked around 9am and they were going to be welcoming the next group of passengers onboard at 11am! 

Until next time.