You need to calm down (The end of the cruise and Bergen, Norway)

Disclaimer dear reader, the photos in this post are generally there to break up the text. And the title? Well, one for all the Swifties out there. You need to calm down all the way from 2019. There's a message in there for all of us, but particularly for some of the people mentioned in this post.

We left Alta and the lights behind for two days of cruising the Norway Inside Passage. Well that was the plan dear reader. However, there was a problem with one of the tenders (AKA lifeboats) and part of the way into the journey, we turned back one and a half hours towards Harstad where we had an unscheduled port stop for several hours. I am uncertain as to whether this was for a technician or spare parts. Whatever the reason, it resulted in us heading out into the Norwegian Sea to make up for lost time.

There is not much to say about the two days at sea. It was the cruise life. We ate too much and drank too much. High Tea was enjoyed in the Wintergarden. We read, we blogged. When the weather permitted, we did laps of deck 2. When the weather didn't permit, we attempted laps of deck 2 but the sea spray sent us back indoors where we read the signs on the door saying the deck was actually closed.

The Wintergarden where High Tea was served daily.

On day one, we crossed the Arctic Circle again. This time there was the blue nose ritual where people donned their swimming costumes and jumped into the pool. I assume the pool had been iced to replicate the sea temperature but didn't get close enough to find out.

We dined at our usual restaurant for the last night and headed to the Explorers' Lounge for one last nightcap. And to tip our favourite barman, Faizal. The advertising material for Viking states no casinos and no children - a good start. It also references the fact that everything is included; there is no more to pay. This covers tips.

A frozen waterfall.

I was, therefore, surprised when I read that a surcharge for tipping would be added to my credit card on the last evening on board. The charge was $17US per day per passenger. Roughing out the numbers they would be raising over $300,000AUD to be distributed to staff. Alternatively, you could just pay them properly. No further information was provided. To date, I have not been charged, so I assume that cost was factored into the Australian pricing.

Disembarkation commenced at 2:45am for the unlucky ones. We were scheduled to leave at 9am although all staterooms had to be vacated by 8am. Our bags were retagged and placed outside our door prior to 10pm for them to be whisked away in the night and placed in the arrival hall for collection the next morning.

Sparks out of the chimney as the lights commence.

I don't know how many people departed in the middle of the night but the doors in the corridor were getting a workout after 3am. 

Despite the attempt to make up time lost in Harstad, we arrived in Bergen a few hours after schedule. This resulted in all the shore excursions being reorganised. I'll leave our Bergen excursion until the next post because we're here for three days. Instead I'm going to record some random observations.

Stupid Question of the Week

Whoever said the only stupid question is the one unasked, is just wrong. On our tour of the ship the onshore excursion protocols were explained. If your tour is marked with the letters QV you need to bring it. The QV, a QuietVox is an audio commentary device for groups so the guide doesn't need to yell and disturb every other person in the vicinity.

Following the explanation one member of our group (insert nation of prejudice) asked, "What if there is no QV noted next to your excursion"? You've guessed the answer already haven't you dear reader? Don't bring it.

Alta.

Stupid Comment of the Week

The World Café served a different protein that was the mainstay of the meals for that day. We saw leg of lamb, chicken and a huge turkey on different evenings. However, the suckling pig, sans apple, was an absolute stunner. As Jayne was deciding what to eat, a woman (insert nation of prejudice) walked past and commented, "What a huge turkey!" Perhaps she was looking in a mirror. It clearly was suckling pig.

Tromsø at night.

Dress Regulations

Despite all the carry-on about dress regulations, they were ignored by many people. I'm not talking about jeans in the dining room. There was a woman (insert nation of prejudice) who turned up to breakfast in a bathrobe. I'm still in shock.

The lights at Paeskatun.

Left Behind

I regularly used the stairs rather than the lift in a vain attempt to burn some kilojoules. On one such occasion, Jayne waited for the lift. It was crowded and stopped one floor down on the way to the restaurant. A woman (insert nation of prejudice) got in, the doors closed and someone remarked to newly arrived passenger, "I think you left someone behind." Easily done, dear reader, isn't it? The person you've been travelling with for days who sleeps next to you, you just forget and leave them standing at the elevator doors. Her response, "Oh well."

No idea, but I liked the reflection.

Entitlement

This is a theme I could have returned to everyday in every post. If you thought John Howard created the land of entitlement in Australia, you would be correct, but let me tell you, our American friends own the patent and have turned it into an artform.

• Groups standing in the walkway in front of the servery, holding a meeting or just having a chat. Blocking all access for passengers and staff at a peak time.
• Refusing to allow some out of their seat on the bus if they were already in the aisle. What has happened to politeness?
• Continually rushing to be at the front of the group on excursions - despite using walking sticks. This slowed everyone down.
• Finding the best spot to observe the view, a scene, a statue, whatever, and not moving to allow other people an opportunity to see unobstructed.
• Playing a video of some TV program in the library area without headphones.
• The inability to differentiate between an inside and outside voice. While on the phone, I had trouble hearing what was being said on the other end because the man at the next desk 2 metres away was having a conversation that could be heard on the other side of the ship. Or the clown who said "Good morning." at the top of his voice to everyone who walked within 1m of where he was sitting. Regardless of whether he knew them or not. Add to that, he sounded like a male Fran Drescher (the Nanny).

A common scene along the fjord.

Hair, makeup and body work

No one likes getting old dear reader. I wish I still had all my hair. Time dictates otherwise. However, the number of people on board this ship who pretended age was not happening to them was frightening.

I have never seen so many wigs in my life. Generally on women. Then there were the home-dye jobs on the men. If grey hair is that offensive to you, spend the money and have your hair dyed at the salon. If you are on a Viking cruise, you can afford it.

The face lifts and over-use of make up left many people wearing looks of startled surprise. Or with serious RBF.

Language

There are many similarities between English and Norwegian because both languages have roots in Germanic. This does not extend to the word 'fart'. I'm sure you're familiar with the English definition. In Norwegian it means speed. Roadside speed indicators telling you 'FART 55kmh' are funny. Juvenile, but funny.

Apparently it was bread roll. Woof.

Finally for this post

We are not cruise people as you would know dear reader. This is unchanged after our latest fortnight, floating around the ocean. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I did it. The lights were beyond words, but cruising is not for me. This is the largest cruise ship we've been on and the benefit was that with 900 passengers we didn't have to find friends to sit with, we could just be with each other.

The staff were absolutely delightful and they work hard. Six month contracts. It's a long time to be away from home. Our stateroom attendant, Harold, was from Indonesia. He was always happy and nothing was too much trouble.

Near Harstad.

Similarly, Jabulani, or Joyful as he preferred, made you smile as soon as you saw him. 

How they maintain the upbeat positivity is beyond me - no break during or in between cruises. We disembarked around 9am and they were going to be welcoming the next group of passengers onboard at 11am! 

Until next time.

Tonight's the Night (Amsterdam to Narvik, Norway)

And so, dear reader, we sat at port in Amsterdam. We could have spent the entire time at the Rijksmuseum had we known. The benefit was we had the ship to ourselves, almost, while everyone was off touristing. The afternoon was a lazy one, lunch, drinks and time in the cabin reading.

The coast outside the sheltered harbour where we waited for spare parts is lined with wind turbines. The kind that Dutton said will kill the whales if we install them off the coast of Australia. There are turbines a plenty but not one dead whale that I can see. Another piece of scaremongering from the naysayer. As I tap away at the keys, we are now on the move, as is the weather. Heavy rain is coming in from the North Sea.

Turbines are everywhere off the coast of The Netherlands and Norway.

The Restaurant

There are four restaurants on board, three of which have a dress code. The Restaurant is one of those, so not wishing to break the rules like I did on a previous cruise when I wore shorts to the dining room, I changed my joggers and jeans for chinos and shoes. While there were people dressed far more formally than I (wankers), there was a lot of denim as well as sneakers from the aged American crowd.

First sunset at sea (first visible sunset since leaving home).

We eat early. By way of explanation, Jayne is from the country. We arrived at the restaurant around 6:15pm and it was already quite well populated. The window tables were all gone. Not that there was much to see anyway. Rain and the North Sea swell. The tables were situated much closer together than they were in the The World Café.

The food was very good and the menu changes daily. The level of noise made it difficult for me to hear Jayne across the table, although I could have easily joined in the conversation four tables away. It was that sort of loud. Perhaps given the age of the clientele, it was a case of hard of hearing, speak louder. Or not. Some nationalities are just loud, as was explained to me in China. They added thoughtfully, it might be accepted but it is still unnecessary.

The pool deck. The roof retracts - in good weather.

There was a table of four women next to us. Loud, denim clad, sneaker wearing women. Next to them, as Jayne later told me, was a table of four men. So quiet I didn't even know they were there. The women's partners. The men at one table, the women at another. "It's like an Aussie BBQ," quipped Jayne. As the cruise continues, perhaps they'll opt for separate restaurants.

Following dinner, we adjourned to the Explorers' Lounge for a nightcap before being rocked to sleep by the rolling swell.

Saturday

The time lost in Amsterdam, waiting for the parts to arrive, has been made up over night and we are back on schedule. The rain is coming in bursts and the swell is around 2 metres but it is choppy. There is quite a bit of lateral movement which can facilitate unexpected meetings with fixed objects like walls.

The clouds has cleared long enough to allow a post-breakfast wander around the deck. The infinity pool at the back of the ship is heated, of course, but it is no less inviting. The indoor pool has continuous wave motion, courtesy of the sea swell.

The Wintergarden.

We attended a lecture in the afternoon on seabirds. As a bird nerd, I was excited. As someone who desperately longs to see a Puffin, I was beyond excitement. There is a real possibility that we will see an Atlantic Puffin. That would be another box ticked.

We dined at The Restaurant again. Same story, the food was very good but the tables being so close is not an enjoyable experience if you have a loud group nearby. I smashed the dress code, jeans, joggers and long sleeved T without a collar. And I was not alone.

The swell was unchanged through most of the day and sea sick bags suddenly appeared, placed discreetly all over the ship. We weren't even remotely uncomfortable. The wind had begun to abate late in the day which reduced the chop and the movement of the ship a little. Another night of being rocked to sleep.

The first sight of Norway.

Sunday

Sometimes in the early hours of the morning the rocking motion of the ship disappeared. I'm sure this made many people happy. We had reached Norway's inside passage. The water was calm and the cloud had gone. It was the best weather we'd had since leaving home. I went out onto the balcony to take a couple of shots of Norway. It was about 4° but it didn't feel that cold.

It looks like a toy boat.

The Inside Passage is created by a vast archipelago stretching along the coast of the mainland. Some of the islands are large enough to support habitation, many are not and are barren. Although this is where the sea birds breed. Some of the more distant islands are populated by wind turbines. The Australian LNP would be apoplectic about all this coal free power being generated.

The coastal villages are all so colourful

Several of the islands are breeding grounds for the Atlantic Puffin. Sadly, they are too remote for us to get to once the cruise is over. But, if I see one, you'll certainly read about it. This morning before breakfast, I spotted Kittiwake and Fulmar, pelagic birds of this area, flying alongside the ship.

The Inside Passage is dotted with islands.

Port Talk

We ditched the afternoon lecture and watched a movie in our cabin, sorry stateroom. Barbie. Yep. Jayne has been hoping to see it and to date, it hasn't been available on any planes we've been on. Sadly. I could have lived without it. (Patriarchal perspective clearly on display here... editor's note).

The steeple caught my eye.

Following Barbie was Ken. Actually, it was a Spanish rosé as we whiled away the time before the port talk. If ever, dear reader, you wanted a defining difference between generations, the port talk captured it. There are 900 people on board the ship and most of them will be disembarking at Narvik for a shore excursion. Or at least to walk on solid ground after 3 days at sea. 

A lighthouse.

The talk would be crowded. It was to commence at 4:30pm. We walked into the theatre at 4:15pm and it was already packed. There were very few seats - and that is a generational difference. I could make jokes about lack of mobility and people needing to get seated early, or suggest hearing issues were the cause of over-punctuality, wanting a seat near the speaker. Or, as you age, just that mentality that develops to be early to ensure the best seat or being first. Whatever.

Environmentally farmed fish. Hey Tasmania check it out.

The Cruise Director and his assistant provided almost 90 minutes of information on the excursions scheduled in Narvik tomorrow as well as a brief history of the area. It was quite a significant port early on in WWII and was home to a sea battle between German and Allied ships, a number of which ended up on the bottom of the harbour.

We were told the possibility of seeing the lights commences tonight as we cross the line into the Arctic Circle. This will occur around 2:30am when we are, hopefully, sleeping soundly. Clothes and cameras need to be at the ready when we go to bed this evening. There will not be an announcement if the lights are sighted, but those fools, like me, who want to see them, no matter what the time, have a cabin call arranged.

The ship John West rejected. We opted for Viking.

Which brings us inexorably to today's title, a Rod Stewart hit from 1977, remember? No. Well, have a listen. Unlike the lyrics direct, I won't stay away from the window because I want to see the lights and tonight is the night we cross into the Arctic Circle.

Until next time.