You need to calm down (The end of the cruise and Bergen, Norway)

Disclaimer dear reader, the photos in this post are generally there to break up the text. And the title? Well, one for all the Swifties out there. You need to calm down all the way from 2019. There's a message in there for all of us, but particularly for some of the people mentioned in this post.

We left Alta and the lights behind for two days of cruising the Norway Inside Passage. Well that was the plan dear reader. However, there was a problem with one of the tenders (AKA lifeboats) and part of the way into the journey, we turned back one and a half hours towards Harstad where we had an unscheduled port stop for several hours. I am uncertain as to whether this was for a technician or spare parts. Whatever the reason, it resulted in us heading out into the Norwegian Sea to make up for lost time.

There is not much to say about the two days at sea. It was the cruise life. We ate too much and drank too much. High Tea was enjoyed in the Wintergarden. We read, we blogged. When the weather permitted, we did laps of deck 2. When the weather didn't permit, we attempted laps of deck 2 but the sea spray sent us back indoors where we read the signs on the door saying the deck was actually closed.

The Wintergarden where High Tea was served daily.

On day one, we crossed the Arctic Circle again. This time there was the blue nose ritual where people donned their swimming costumes and jumped into the pool. I assume the pool had been iced to replicate the sea temperature but didn't get close enough to find out.

We dined at our usual restaurant for the last night and headed to the Explorers' Lounge for one last nightcap. And to tip our favourite barman, Faizal. The advertising material for Viking states no casinos and no children - a good start. It also references the fact that everything is included; there is no more to pay. This covers tips.

A frozen waterfall.

I was, therefore, surprised when I read that a surcharge for tipping would be added to my credit card on the last evening on board. The charge was $17US per day per passenger. Roughing out the numbers they would be raising over $300,000AUD to be distributed to staff. Alternatively, you could just pay them properly. No further information was provided. To date, I have not been charged, so I assume that cost was factored into the Australian pricing.

Disembarkation commenced at 2:45am for the unlucky ones. We were scheduled to leave at 9am although all staterooms had to be vacated by 8am. Our bags were retagged and placed outside our door prior to 10pm for them to be whisked away in the night and placed in the arrival hall for collection the next morning.

Sparks out of the chimney as the lights commence.

I don't know how many people departed in the middle of the night but the doors in the corridor were getting a workout after 3am. 

Despite the attempt to make up time lost in Harstad, we arrived in Bergen a few hours after schedule. This resulted in all the shore excursions being reorganised. I'll leave our Bergen excursion until the next post because we're here for three days. Instead I'm going to record some random observations.

Stupid Question of the Week

Whoever said the only stupid question is the one unasked, is just wrong. On our tour of the ship the onshore excursion protocols were explained. If your tour is marked with the letters QV you need to bring it. The QV, a QuietVox is an audio commentary device for groups so the guide doesn't need to yell and disturb every other person in the vicinity.

Following the explanation one member of our group (insert nation of prejudice) asked, "What if there is no QV noted next to your excursion"? You've guessed the answer already haven't you dear reader? Don't bring it.

Alta.

Stupid Comment of the Week

The World Café served a different protein that was the mainstay of the meals for that day. We saw leg of lamb, chicken and a huge turkey on different evenings. However, the suckling pig, sans apple, was an absolute stunner. As Jayne was deciding what to eat, a woman (insert nation of prejudice) walked past and commented, "What a huge turkey!" Perhaps she was looking in a mirror. It clearly was suckling pig.

Tromsø at night.

Dress Regulations

Despite all the carry-on about dress regulations, they were ignored by many people. I'm not talking about jeans in the dining room. There was a woman (insert nation of prejudice) who turned up to breakfast in a bathrobe. I'm still in shock.

The lights at Paeskatun.

Left Behind

I regularly used the stairs rather than the lift in a vain attempt to burn some kilojoules. On one such occasion, Jayne waited for the lift. It was crowded and stopped one floor down on the way to the restaurant. A woman (insert nation of prejudice) got in, the doors closed and someone remarked to newly arrived passenger, "I think you left someone behind." Easily done, dear reader, isn't it? The person you've been travelling with for days who sleeps next to you, you just forget and leave them standing at the elevator doors. Her response, "Oh well."

No idea, but I liked the reflection.

Entitlement

This is a theme I could have returned to everyday in every post. If you thought John Howard created the land of entitlement in Australia, you would be correct, but let me tell you, our American friends own the patent and have turned it into an artform.

• Groups standing in the walkway in front of the servery, holding a meeting or just having a chat. Blocking all access for passengers and staff at a peak time.
• Refusing to allow some out of their seat on the bus if they were already in the aisle. What has happened to politeness?
• Continually rushing to be at the front of the group on excursions - despite using walking sticks. This slowed everyone down.
• Finding the best spot to observe the view, a scene, a statue, whatever, and not moving to allow other people an opportunity to see unobstructed.
• Playing a video of some TV program in the library area without headphones.
• The inability to differentiate between an inside and outside voice. While on the phone, I had trouble hearing what was being said on the other end because the man at the next desk 2 metres away was having a conversation that could be heard on the other side of the ship. Or the clown who said "Good morning." at the top of his voice to everyone who walked within 1m of where he was sitting. Regardless of whether he knew them or not. Add to that, he sounded like a male Fran Drescher (the Nanny).

A common scene along the fjord.

Hair, makeup and body work

No one likes getting old dear reader. I wish I still had all my hair. Time dictates otherwise. However, the number of people on board this ship who pretended age was not happening to them was frightening.

I have never seen so many wigs in my life. Generally on women. Then there were the home-dye jobs on the men. If grey hair is that offensive to you, spend the money and have your hair dyed at the salon. If you are on a Viking cruise, you can afford it.

The face lifts and over-use of make up left many people wearing looks of startled surprise. Or with serious RBF.

Language

There are many similarities between English and Norwegian because both languages have roots in Germanic. This does not extend to the word 'fart'. I'm sure you're familiar with the English definition. In Norwegian it means speed. Roadside speed indicators telling you 'FART 55kmh' are funny. Juvenile, but funny.

Apparently it was bread roll. Woof.

Finally for this post

We are not cruise people as you would know dear reader. This is unchanged after our latest fortnight, floating around the ocean. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I did it. The lights were beyond words, but cruising is not for me. This is the largest cruise ship we've been on and the benefit was that with 900 passengers we didn't have to find friends to sit with, we could just be with each other.

The staff were absolutely delightful and they work hard. Six month contracts. It's a long time to be away from home. Our stateroom attendant, Harold, was from Indonesia. He was always happy and nothing was too much trouble.

Near Harstad.

Similarly, Jabulani, or Joyful as he preferred, made you smile as soon as you saw him. 

How they maintain the upbeat positivity is beyond me - no break during or in between cruises. We disembarked around 9am and they were going to be welcoming the next group of passengers onboard at 11am! 

Until next time.

Blinded by the Light (Alta, Norway)

Yes dear reader today's title takes us all the way back to 1976 and Year 11 at school. Anyway, Blinded by the Light by Manfred Mann's Earth Band was a big hit in its day and signals yet again, that we saw the Aurora Borealis. It was the best display yet and I doubt it will be surpassed. It was so strong that its colours could be seen without the aid of a camera lens.

We had continued heading north to Alta, the proclaimed "city of northern lights". There is a not-insignificant rivalry around propriety of the Aurora, between Alta and Tromsø, the "gateway to the Arctic". Although a city, Alta is smaller and less beautiful than Tromsø. In a world where everything must be labelled, Alta also bills itself as the northernmost city in the world.

It is a city that boasts a university and an all-weather sports arena but not a hospital - emergency patients have to be transported by helicopter and those deemed less serious are driven to a halfway point to be exchanged into another vehicle to go the rest of the distance to the hospital in Hammerfest. The situation of the hospital, clearly a sore point with Alta locals, was apparently determined by the need to have a medical facility in the Hammerfest community because it has a gas works which could be the potential site of an industrial disaster.

We are told that Alta women who are about to give birth, are made to go to hospital prior to their due date but if babies come early (unusual I know), it is not uncommon for the them to arrive mid helicopter flight to Hammerfest. Many Alta kids say their place of birth is up in the air. Does that make them Norse gods?

They look cold.

We were here for two days and had a reasonably busy schedule on day one and a more relaxed day two. When we woke up in Alta, we were greeted by a Norwegian naval vessel when I opened the curtains. It was as grey as the day. There were NATO war games happening in and around Alta, coinciding with our visit, so military outfits were de rigueur.

War games with NATO. What Putin would do?

The dock we were allocated was very close to the airstrip. Although we had it for only one day and night. The following day there would be four ships in the harbour and two would need to be at anchor because there are only two berths at the Alta pier. This meant tender transfers on our second day.

Incoming.

After breakfast, the first day commenced with our usual tour of the city. The highlight of this was, wait for it, the Cathedral of Northern Lights. I've often speculated while wandering through Cathedrals built in centuries past, what tourists would be flocking to see in the future. It appears the answer is still Cathedrals. This one was completed in 2013, quite recent compared with most Cathedrals I've visited in Europe.

Shaped like a boreal swirl of light.

The Cathedral of Northern Lights

The whole project was quite controversial at the time, not only in terms of its design but also the cost that had to be borne. The Cathedral is right in the heart of town and is now a focal point of pride in the community. Its design was the result of a competition and its external spiralling façade, clad in titanium interlocked panels, is symbolic of the Aurora. The Cathedral construction required the community to take out a substantial loan which had to be underwritten by the Norwegian government. 

Looking down the main street from the Cathedral door.

The Norwegian politicians, ever fiscally responsible (unlike the NSW former Liberal government), agreed to support the loan but only on the proviso that the facility would have uses other than worship and that all visitors would pay a compulsory donation. As a result, the Cathedral sports an underground multimedia presentation area, complete with an interactive display on the Aurora. This is where our tour group went initially to view yet another Northern Lights photographic video, made tolerable only by the fact that we had actually seen the lights by this time on the trip. I don't think that I would have been quite so thrilled to be constantly reminded of what I hadn't seen, if nature had not smiled up on us by now...

A photo of a photo from the presentation. Impressive.

After the video, we had less than 5 minutes to interact with the displays - only just enough time to read about the Nordic folklore that the lights are, in fact, spinster virgins waving their mittens about in the hope of attracting a husband. Like that would work. Can you hear the calls of the boys/men, "Show us your mittens." Doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

Reluctantly, up the stairs we went to do the Cathedral part of the tour which, happily and unexpectedly, proved to be a vastly more interesting experience that the previous church visits of Narvik and Tromsø.

The Cathedral was intentionally built to provide increased capacity compared to the original Cathedral. The seating is flexible in configuration with individual chairs that can be locked together. As a revenue raiser, the public were invited to purchase a seat and, to remove any discussion about the legitimacy of the Cathedral, the Bishop himself also purchased a seat to satisfy the definition of a cathedral as the church that houses the Bishop's seat. Although in truth, he purchased his chair when he was a priest. Still satisfies the pedants and rule lovers.

I love the fact that the Cathedral was intentionally designed to provoke debate and it has absolutely achieved its brief. Inside there are so many visual points of focus that demand not only your attention but also your reflection:  

- The massive bronze crucifix standing in a viking boat, behind the altar, with Christ looking up rather than traditionally downwards, one hand clenched in fist, the other wrapped in a bandage. 

- The mosaic panels arguably representing the 12 Apostles. 

- Jacob's ladder, in gold, suspended above the entry vestibule, not quite within reach but tantalisingly close, climbing up into the spire (heaven).  

- The font with its gold basin designed to give the impression that the newly baptised child is being bathed in golden water. 

- The circular concrete walls, with sound-mitigating light panels that create ethereal reflections on the walls, reminiscent of the dancing Aurora.

The fittings are straight, the light makes it look otherwise.

As with other churches, there was a sizeable organ as well as a Steinway grand piano off to the side which we looked forward to hearing played later that evening when we would return for a musical recital. Allowing the place of religious worship to be transformed into a concert hall and a different form of worship. 

Part of the organ - just out of shot are 6 sleigh bells.

The Alta Museum

Back on the bus, we continued across town to the museum, waving to our guide's grandmother on the way and passing by 2 of the 3 original churches that were all that remained of Alta after WWII. The rest of the town was razed to the ground by the retreating Nazis who apparently were God-fearing people and didn't want to risk damnation by torching God's houses.

The museum entrance. Cool wall.

The museum celebrates the Sámi people and culture with a particular focus on the etchings in the stone that litter the shoreline of the fjord. There is an indoor/outdoor exhibition although the snow rendered the outdoor superfluous on our visit. The rocks are etched with pictures of animals and people. Those outside were covered with snow which acts as a protective layer in the winter. Although not protective enough because at some point the caretakers of the etched rocks decided to colour the outlines of the etchings red to make them easier to see. No further comment on that.

I'm sure the rock is really cool - under 2 metres of snow.

The rock art is heritage listed and the locals are very proud of the Sámi history. Hmmm, meanwhile in Australia we allow mining companies to destroy Aboriginal rock art sites that are 60,000 years old. The art at this Sámi site, by way of comparison is, is a maximum of 6,200 years old.

An indoor example. Unpainted.

Australia is a land of tokenism. We laud our indigenous achievers, until they speak out. We pretend to protect Aboriginal cultural sites, until we need to mine them. We mine the tourist trade for indigenous experiences. We provide dual naming of cities, towns and regions. Do we care that we have the world's oldest living civilisation in our country? Do we care that the indigenous population lived in harmony with the land for almost 60,000 years before Europeans arrived? 

A familiar story.

Alright, alright, I'll move on.

The museum displays artefacts depicting various aspects of Sámi lifestyle and culture - clothes, fishing paraphernalia, canoes, weapons and interestingly, crockery made out rock that contains asbestos. Clearly, its ok to ingest but not to inhale it? Anyway, out through the gift shop, onto the coach and back to the ship for a hasty dinner before it was time to depart again and return to the Cathedral for the private recital.

The Recital

The Cathedral at night.

We were keen to hear the performance, especially since the Steinway would feature and earlier we had heard so much about the acoustic design of the walls and ceiling. Upon arrival, we were seated and introduced to a local man who plays the organ for the congregation. Not quite what we were expecting... 

He dressed for the occasion.

He then proceeded to play a set of 5 organ pieces, some of which he sang as well. Then he played two pieces on the Steinway, followed by another set of 5 organ pieces. To be honest, it was a little underwhelming compared to other private recitals we have enjoyed on different cruises. Who plays an organ when they have a Steinway sitting there unused? It's like playing chords on a cheap acoustic guitar or making your fingers bleed on the steel strings of an original Fender.

The Steinway.

We headed back to the ship, taking note of shuttle bus pick up points for tomorrow as we were going to head into town by ourselves in the middle of the day to witness the noon start of the Finnmark Race. Never heard of it? It is Europe's longest dog sled race (1200kms) which features 160 teams and over 1500 dogs! This is a big event in Alta, it starts and finishes here. It is certainly not a spectacle we are likely to see in downtown Redfern.

The next day

The ship was to move from dock to anchor before lunch. It was then we realised that this change would alter how we headed ashore and came back on board. To go into town meant that, after the race start, we would be stuck in chilly, icy Alta standing round for about 2 hours waiting for the shuttle service to resume. Not very appealing. 

The tender.

So the dog sled race was abandoned and instead, we spent the next morning doing washing and blogging while we waited for evening. Our last night in Alta would see us venturing out to Paeskatun, high in the surrounding mountains, for our final shore excursion before heading south once again and out of the Arctic Circle.

The pre-excursion excitement was a flurry of snow around 4pm.

Paeskatun

Paeskatun or Mt Paeskas was a 30 minute drive up to a slate quarry and workshop business that also provides a viewing location for the Aurora. While there, we were subjected to another presentation on the northern lights. This one was much more interesting and personal as the presenter talked of the myths and legends and the impact they had had on her life.

The area consisted of a few slate houses, a workshop and lavvu. Nothing out of the ordinary. Oh, and what would have been a drop dead gorgeous view over the neighbouring valley. The light display was the best yet, swirling lights in a myriad of colours visible to the naked eye. It was cloudy and the temperature was probably around 0° but the excitement overroad any level of discomfort.

As they do, the lights appeared from nowhere, sparked amazed interest and then disappeared. The only frustration was avoiding the idiots with their iPads and smartphones who were using a flash. I'm sure they're sitting around wondering why their photos didn't turn out. Then there were the usual inconsiderate, entitled morons who can only focus on themselves, stepping into camera shot. Otherwise it was a perfect night.

I shall conclude this post with pictures of the lights. We have been so, so fortunate. Enjoy. We did.

Until next time.