Psycho Killer (Milano)

Welcome to our first full day in Milano, dear reader. I like Milano, it just feels right. All those stories you've read and heard about the Milanese dressing well and looking drop dead gorgeous are pretty much on the money. Although we don't fit that image, I still like the vibe.

Strap yourself in. This was a very big day and therefore is an impossibly long post. Depending on what time you are reading this, I would suggest a wine or a coffee. Or maybe just look at the pictures. I'll highlight  in bold the places we went, just in case you want to drop in and see what it's all about.

Our plan today was quite limited, he says with a wry smile. We had tickets for an 11:30am viewing of The Last Supper by da Vinci and then we were meeting our "Greeter" Roberto, who was going to show us his city. More on the Greeters later.

The Last Supper

First, we had to negotiate the Metro. We had a choice of two nearby stations. Carlo at reception recommended we return to Centrale, I assume because we are familiar with it. And so we did.

The station entrance was easy enough to find, marked by a red sign with a white M. Down we went underground until we found an open space with ticket machines and maps of the metro and train lines and lots of people. The shorter queues were for topping up their reusable tickets. Sadly, we joined the other line to buy ours outright.

Much like the ticket machines for the railway, the Metro machine posed questions that a local would understand but we did not. When in doubt say no. The machine we used did not like Jayne and would not accept her credit card so, on the third attempt, we switched to my Apple watch. All good, tix dispensed, we hit the gates.

Again, stories of Italian drivers and commuters are legendary. Also inaccurate. If I had inconvenienced the same number of people in New York, as I did not know which way to step or which gate to take, I would have been shoved aside and abused. Not in Milano. 

The train/tram/metro arrived within a few minutes and we were on our way to Cardona. It was reasonably crowded, but we were at the end of the peak, having left early to ensure everything went smoothly. We followed the crowd up towards the sunlight until a choice of exit tunnels was required. Now I ask you, dear reader, if this was the closest station to a major tourist attraction, would you think there might be directions? A sign? Nope. Italy. I'm glad we didn't follow the rabid religious crowd carrying salvation signs, they went in the opposite direction. There could be a message in that.

After playing with Google maps, we were once again on our way and arrived at the ticket office at 10:30am, a full hour before our allotted time. Why? The viewing of The Last Supper is conducted with military like precision to ensure maximum viewing with minimum crowds. Unlike some tourist attractions in Rome ... I'm looking at you, Sistine Chapel.

The side of Santa Maria delle Grazie.

The information on the tickets stipulates for you to be at the ticket office 30 minutes prior to your scheduled time. Why? For verification of tickets and of who you are. If you look shifty. Our tix were checked, passports were dismissed as unnecessary (apparently we do not fit the terrorist/activist profile)  and we were told to come back at 11:00am. Coffee time.

And again, from the front.

There was a café just beyond the forecourt of the church where we settled for an espresso and then took some shots of the the exterior of the church. At the appointed time we returned to the ticket office. A young couple enquired about tickets for today. Booked out for the next month was the reply. We had our tickets scanned, audio guides delivered and were told to meet the guide at 11:15am outside the "yellow building with the flags". The building next door.

Our guide, I'm sure she told us her name, was a tour de force and if she drew breath over the next hour, I did not see it. We were now a part of one of the things I dread most, a tour group. The good thing was our group was on a strictly timed, one way trip, past a couple of artworks. Sort of like Ikea with a psychotic guide telling you things you knew weren't accurate but couldn't question/argue, due to time constraints.

Frescoes on the way to the refectory.

Ironically, or perhaps deliberately, da Vinci's Last Supper is on a wall in a Dominican Friar refectory. Imagine sitting down to dinner each night, looking at The Last Supper and wondering if it was yours. Mortality is real. Anyway, the guide droned on and spouted a lot of post-modernist (read bullshit) interpretations of the artwork. In reality it seemed like a Milano v Firenze, or Leonardo v Michelangelo competition. Jayne looked at me incredulously at one point but I was already gone.

Here it is. A table for 13 please.

Doors opened and closed, Maxwell Smart style, to usher us from one chamber to the next. We were on a very un-Italian, strict timeline. In the ref where the painting adorns the wall, I once again became religious and prayed to god that iPhones would lose their cameras. FFS. Every time you try to take a photo some dick with an iPhone sticks their hand up in the air. Learn a craft people. Get a real camera. Or better still, learn to be conscious of those around you.

The other end of the refectory.

Walking Tour of Milano

The beat goes on, sorry the guide droned on as we found ourselves in the garden (not Gethsemane) and our last supper was over. Roberto, our greeter, was already waiting outside and I was tired of hearing how wonderful Leonardo was. We all know how good he was, there is no need to boast.

Out in the piazza, we quickly found Roberto, who had kindly sent us a photo the previous night so we would be able to recognise him. He is a member of the International Greeter Association a non-profit organisation that has members who take you on guided walks through their city for free. Roberto was brilliant and walked us around Milano for over 5 hours (with one stop for refreshments). Walking with a Greeter guarantees you get to see things that most tourists wouldn't, with a passionate, caring local. I couldn't recommend highly enough, taking advantage of the Greeters if they are available at your destination.

A spoiler alert, we saw so many things and visited so many places on our walking tour that I am not able to do justice to the tour that Roberto guided us on or to the amazement and enjoyment we experienced. 

We moved off in the general direction of the Duomo. Roberto talked of Milano and its development. The first church he had selected for us was now closed. Many of them are now staffed by volunteers. Many, many volunteers, given the number of churches in Milano. His next choice, San Maurizio al Monastero Maggiore was open due to the work of the Touring Club Italiano. 

I told you unicorns were real.

The main altar.

The church is adorned with the most beautiful frescoes, everywhere. Behind the altar and the many side altars. The church is divided in two by a partition that allowed a closed order of nuns to worship at the same time as the general public.

Around the corner on the way to the finance district, were Roman ruins. Imagine getting a permit to dig in Milano and not finding something of historical significance. Not possible.

What have the Romans ever done for us?

Next was the famous L.O.V.E sculpture also know as 'Il Dito' by Maurizio Cattelan.

Speaks for itself really.

From there we wandered past some very expensive shops and of course, more old churches, down to Sforza Castle. It is a masterpiece that bears the hallmark of anyone and everyone who ruled Milan down through the years. It is an architect teacher's dream because of the myriad of styles, but is perhaps, not so aesthetically pleasing. However it served its purpose for those that occupied it.

The main entrance and controversial fountain.

Pick an architectural style.

We wound our way towards Brera. It is a major tourist area, filled with cafés, bars and restaurants and lots of people. In doing so, we passed by the Royal Palace, an anomaly since there has never been a king in Milano, skirted what was once the red light district and walked through the atria of the Portrait Hotel to the Museo Bagatti Valsecchi, the apartments of two former art loving brothers that have been joined to form a museum. At some point on this part of the walk, we paused for a refreshing beer.

A birthday cake for Cait.

Back on our feet, we visited the Art Academy and attached botanic garden. The Academy has a magnificent old library.

The library and old books.

No idea. He was hanging about the courtyard.

The next major attraction on our list was Galleria Vittorio Emmanuelle II, the beautiful shopping mall where you can buy all manner of expensive things you don't really need and caffé costs €5. On the way, we passed what I thought was a wedding. We turned the corner and there was another bride. No wedding, just a Milano fashion shoot in the streets.

Across the piazza was La Scala, the home of opera. We are returning in a couple days to see inside the building. 

The Galleria is all marble mosaic floors and impossibly high ceilings. It is also very crowded with tourists, spinning on the testicles of a bull tiled into the floor. The legend was originally about female fertility, but today it appears to be a social media thing.

Makes the Strand arcade look meh.

Next we went through the Galleria into the Piazza Duomo, a vast space holding hordes of people with cameras trying to find the right vantage point to fit Milan Cathedral into one frame. Impossible unless you are sporting a 10mm lens or a new devilphone, sorry, smart phone, that can shoot at 0.5. Also there in number were people trying to sell overpriced entry tickets to the Duomo. We purchased our tickets online before we left home and will be back in a couple of days to walk the ramparts of the cathedral.

You'll never get the whole façade in.

When Jayne was reading up on Milano, she came across a church that is an ossuary. No explanation, Google it you don't know. I always find this weird, given the Catholic church's attempt to control every facet of life, yet the same rules don't apply to them. Imagine if I wanted to start a family ossuary? No? Yeah, it's a bit psycho killer isn't it? Too obvious for today's title? Psycho Killer by Talking Heads from the year I graduated high school.

Anyway, the Basilica di Stefano Maggiore was our next church and within those walls, or attached to it, I'm not sure which, is the Church of San Bernadino alle Ossa. Forgive me, I really can't recall (OMG an ICAC moment, hello Mrs Perrottet).

Not

creepy

at all.

Next port of call, the old hospital is now a university campus and holds many things of interest. Again the architectural styles vary depending on the year of construction. There is a chapel, of course, not sure I would have found that as an undergrad. So here are a couple of Ferrari photos instead.

We also stopped at, in no particular order, the Devil's House, the oldest house and the richest street in Milano. The devil's house has a great story behind it relating to the floods in Milan in the 1600s. Apparently while people were suffering, music emanated from the house as if they were partying.

Our final church for the day was Santa Maria Presso San Satiro. Back in the day, dear reader, when asked how many bikes one required the answer was x + 1, with x being the number of bikes already owned. The same algebra applies to churches. This church was designed by Bramante to placate some local wealthy person, think billionaire in today's terms, who wanted a big church. It was all about the power and prestige.

Looks big from a distance.

Not so much close up.

Alora, Bramante provided the perspective of a big church. It is an excellent optical illusion and not even clearly visible in the photos. 

Roberto, the legend.

And that concluded a long day of touristing. Roberto had given us over five hours of his time and shown us things that a regular visitor to Milano would never see. We are incredibly grateful and highly recommend the work of the International Greeters.

Alla prossima.